Myself as a parent in the school system
My son and I had an understanding until he was 3 years old. I thought, I’m sorted, not problem with the ‘terrible twos’. When he turned 3 I attributed his behaviour change to the ‘terrible threes’, whatever that is. I thought this must just be a developmental streak. I thought that for years and years.
Only now, looking back, I realise that this change in behaviour was when he started nursery. As a parent I struggled with his impulsive, irrational, temperamental behaviour for years. Things changed significantly as I realised and understood the effect that neurodiversity has on our whole family. Though this was to be 7-8 years later. I learned new strategies, and felt able to show more understanding to my children, as well as myself, as I relaxed in the light of what seemed like authority defying and destructive behaviour.
https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/should-you-homeschool
It was around this time that I withdrew my son from school one day a week. We began ‘flexi-schooling’. As a parent it was my sense that the 5 days a week of school that he was experiencing was more stress than was necessary in my child’s life, and I thought it would also give us the opportunity to learn some subjects and skills that are individual to our family, such as Swiss German language, and music. At the time though, this was a radical step – to diverge from the school system. It was very stressful – actually, every time I took a step further away from the system I found it a huge assault on my nervous system – my anxiety was through the roof.
And sure enough, bit by bit we took more steps away from school, with one of my children opting out altogether, being absolutely eloquent enough at the age of 5 to express himself and his needs clearly. It was a few years into this process that I began to see that, not only is homeschooling a fully viable option, but that for my children it is even a favourable option.
When I supported my child to homeschool, I was met with great criticism. All the people that I knew at the time were fully invested in the system, a system that seemed to work fine for them and their families. All the ways I was messing up my child was made clear to me, and every time my child acted adversely, the comment was always, “oh that’s because he’s homeschooled – he’s not been properly socialised”. As parents only we can see the comparison in behaviour from when they were in school, and when they are not. Sometimes when we do something that is good, the warfare around us strikes. And then this time, maybe I am more resilient now, or maybe I just don’t invite the opinions of everyone around me, far and near, but I found much less opposition.
One major factor that heavily toppled the scale towards homeschool was the realisation that my oldest son, who was 12, really only had about 3 more years of school before he could justifiably leave school and pursue work, an apprenticeship, or further education. He potentially had 3 years of childhood left. Well, as a parent I was not going to conform any more. Now was the time to make some changes, so that he could make the most of his childhood, and hopefully buy him some more time that he could enjoy, and find life for, and rekindle his curiosity and learning. Truly it is a journey we are on together, because he would not have wanted to homeschool before this. It came to a head for both of us. We as a family feel very blessed, on how this happened, and that we are able to provide this for our children.
It is still not a common decision, here in Britain. But every year the number of families opting out is increasing. It is actually quite encouraging. I have not found it an easy ride. It is a steep learning curve, learning to say no to the endless possibilities and potential ways of doing things – all the things we could, or should be doing.
https://www.thathomeschoollife.com.au/post/but-we-should-be-homeschooling-right-now
And the change is hard for the children. Children have to learn to identify hype, versus fulfilling excitement. For example, sports day is always a tricky one. That really is all hype. The children in reality run about 3 races. Perhaps it works. I have found it to be hype. It is hard for children to identify, and to work through FOMO (fear of missing out). There is a lot of excitement that can be had, and it won’t look the same as at school. And some children really do thrive in the tussle of the play ground. For the children that don’t, they have to learn self assurance, and that can be a very unsettling transition. As they work through it, there is an end to the tunnel, where children learn contentedness, and impulsiveness can gradually decrease, in a calm and nurturing home.
As a parent, I have found homeschool to be a viable option for my children. They have learned to be contented with the simple things. They are very energetic and feisty, make no mistake, but they know what home is for them, and they are learning many lessons, like perseverance, and finding true meaning in what they do.
Pingback: Slow living and valuable work of the home - My Blog
Pingback: In the desert - My Blog