When the plans changed
The blog that would’ve been
This week I was all set to write an ‘a day in homeschooling’ blog. I was holding my breath and game face on for that one, as it would be more of a confession than an example of how to homeschool.
With so much life
The plans changed, so at least now I have time to try and match my intentions with reality.
As it is, our plans changed this week, as they seem to quite a lot of the time, and once again, what I had in mind was a far cry from what ended up happening. Sadly, our weekend was consumed with the illness of our beloved pet rabbit, Bruce. Indeed, with so much life in our house comes so many changes of plans, and ultimately, especially with our smaller pets comes the end of their life.
Bruce the Bunny (Robert the)
Let me describe Bruce to you, because he was a much loved member of our family, belonging to my oldest son. A hefty, lop-eared rabbit, with the propensity to look simultaneously utterly-butterly adorable, and rugged enough that he could easily lead Scotland to victory at the pop of a hat when needed. He was a “no messin’” rabbit that my son rehomed after he’d been put up for adoption. He would lope around the house regularly chewing cables, occasionally hopping onto my lap on top of my laptop, and clearly asking for treats out of the fridge.
When the plans changed
On Monday morning Bruce was held in a towel for the best part of the day after he had rolled onto my son’s lap. Over the weekend Bruce seemed to have had a stroke, but his symptoms became increasingly worse. The sun shined outside, a beautiful breezy day. We remained inside, lessons and books untouched, stroking our rabbit’s nose.
Changeable homeschooling
A successful day of homeschooling? Possibly less so academically.
But over the day my son had the time, space and inclination to make decisions for his pet of 5 years that were caring, altruistic, reflective, problem solving and and acting with integrity.
He was supported to come to terms with what was happening, and begin to grieve this creature who had given him so much comfort and stability through the many changes that occurred in his live over the last few years.
Our values became our lessons, and as we sat waiting and doing everything and nothing, we rooted into the core of our humanity as we realised traditions that have been the centre of community for millennia as we honoured the life lived.
Honouring the life lived
So should I have pushed for an academic day, with subject content and fact piling as our utmost priority? Interestingly, as the ordeal went on, the boys inadvertently made decisions and took actions that mirrored our ancestors of thousands of years.
This is where the first civilised people are found to have prioritised burials and honouring the dead. By allowing more time for my children to do right by their unwell pet, they actually became more civilised. They cared for their furry friend in such a human way as they prepared for him to pass.
When the plans changed, the circumstances, they down spears and looked for the unknown, the unseeable. Questions like, will Bruce be in heaven. Searching past the shell, we looked for the life.
Of course the spears and swords are
A heritage renewed
The boys drew pictures to process what was happening, not unlike cavemen and their paintings that were devised to help them process fears and commemorate experiences and occasions.
They talked about their memories, and they wailed and they cried. We prayed over him and thanked God for his life with us. The boys picked dandelions to prepare for his burial (which he ate!) They sourced carrots for the same reason, which he also ate! And they fashioned a headdress for him, a little strip of fabric as a scarf. So many little acts of owning their grief, taking hold of it, and caring for one of their own. They were replicating times gone past, when early man were distinct from animals through these acts.
Values first
The previous week we had attended a ‘classical conversations’ group, where the main objectives are logic, exposition, grammar, reasoning, research and debate. Core values are grace, humility, integrity, diligence and excellence. Out of all of these values and objectives come the subject content.
I found this to be so refreshing and fascinating because it seemed inside out from most other approaches, where the subject and content are the first priority, with any values a by product of these.
As a result, we are at the mercy of subject content as to where we are led in regards to values and morals. Subject content guides what morals come out of any science, or religious studies, or philosophy or computer sciences. Subject content, and our social surroundings – adult or peer – because our experiences and society do contain a core belief system, all be it fragmented, that is so influential in our teaching.
Because ultimately, our core beliefs and leanings are truly our roots. So the roots up approach of Classical Conversations suddenly made so much sense.
Where to go after the plans changed
Well the inevitable happened, and the first steps following were hard. How to step forwards and continue life without our beloved Bruce seemed to be filled with grief and uncertainty. We bought donuts and took the dogs to the river. We sat on stones and some of us clambered around. Some of us trailed our wellies in the running water. It was good to see a different horizon than our own 4 walls for a moment. And then we headed home.
Stages of grief
Life continued. The various stages of grief continued. The next day was full of anger. Young boys looking for a fight. Needing somewhere to go with all of that crumbledness. Crumpled face, crumpled heart, crumpled brain, crumpled rabbit. We sliced honeycomb that I’d received for Christmas – today was the day. And a deep hole was dug. Sweat and mud – cathartic focus for that anger, and tears that fell into the hole.
How to treat others in times of grief
Of course, came the gentle (I hope!) words as the boys took chunks out of one another – no matter what is happening, you don’t get to take it out on your loved ones. Find a way to go somewhere with that sadness that isn’t hurting your brother. But you can’t learn them in a day. So it was a day of sparks spitting and tears.
In his own sweet time
Now, you may tell me that I am going a little overboard about our pet rabbit’s passing. But I assure you, this was real for our family. Our rabbit had hopped around our houses for 5 years. I don’t wish these life lessons on my children. But it’s real, and they each processed it to the extent that they were able. I had to say several times to my oldest children on behalf of my youngest, who wasn’t fully understanding the finality of it, that they don’t need to ram the point home to him. He’ll see and understand what he can, to the extend that he will, in his own sweet time.
All good things come to an end
So Bruce was buried after we’d taken a painted paw print, as planned. He was buried in a white towel, in his sweetest sleeping position, with a scarf around his neck, and a dandelion by his nose, and more carrots and dandelions and lettuce and grass by him, and more grass by the dandelion again. As I said a prayer of thankfulness and asking for comfort, the tears ran, and we covered him over. A big mound, and some pieces of slabs to paint.
I really hope we don’t have to do that again for a while. But I would rather all the life and love, knowing that all good things do come to an end.
https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/end-of-the-day/
https://ourlifehomeschooling.com/2022/09/26/homeschooling-when-life-is-hard/