Putting down roots
Our woodland glade
This week we have been putting down roots. Ever since we moved to our new home in the Scottish Borders some 19 months ago, I have hoped to section off a part of our adjoining field to plant some trees. At first I called it my woodland glade. Then it became my forest. And finally, more recently, we started calling it our ‘pint of trees’, which came about from a typo, but since it is really quite small, it’s kind of stuck.
This year, once all the planting is finished, there will be approximately 230 trees, all native to Scotland. Then again next year we hope for the second instalment of a grant, when we can finish the our planting plan.
Our hopes
I hope for it to be a place where we can wander through a rickety path, round twists and turns, and hopefully find sloe berries, blackberries, raspberries, as well as ferns, spring bulbs in dappled shade, and a fire pit in the middle to stay and relax in.
A field of sticks
Of course, like children, this kind of growth takes decades, and following the exciting work of planting these tiny little tree whips, I turn around with a feeling of replete and tired satisfaction to take in our work. They all need protection from deer, ponies and rabbits – as I always knew, I am looking at a field of stakes and tubes, with barely any trees to be seen at all! The sparseness hasn’t surprised me at all – I’m very delighted with this field of potential, the field of sticks before my eyes. This year all I hope for in this area, for my trees, is that they are putting down roots.
Growth will happen
https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/growth-will-happen/
But you can’t see that happening at all! The roots. You just have to trust. Days and weeks of sun and rain, and hoping the ponies don’t find their way through the fencing… We have been putting down roots. Now it’s over to them.
Homeschooling
And it’s true for our homeschooling plan. Our children growing and refining – for all our plans and prioritising, all we can see is the day in front of us, the day we’re all in together. For all our efforts of implementing change, we might see our children glowy eyed and bushy tailed, but growth takes time.
What we can’t see
It can be so worrying, raising our children and hoping that they grow to know the values that we have for them. More culture wide, I find that there are so many skills and grades that we require of them. I certainly feel this concern as I consider and organise our homeschool plan every week. There are so many ‘socialising’, academic, sporting, and dramatic achievements that children seem to accomplish on a daily basis in order to establish a good education. On top of this, we expect our children to behave in a certain way that exhibits more self control than most adults.
What we expect of children
Sometimes we wish that they would ‘just have’ that branch of self control, or motivation, and an appreciation of what society requires of them. But true growth is slow, and self discovered – not fashioned by people with boxes to tick.
What counts as putting down roots. Allowing our children to sense that they are appreciated in the space they’re in – that their interests and thoughts are valid, and that who they are and the kindness they can show is so much more than their manufacturing information for the production of good testing results.
But this is not to ask less of our children. In fact we can ask more of them. We can value their contribution to tasks that serve, rather than give them token toys or work to be distracted with. And in their play time, we can value their discoveries and explorations, even when they don’t all fit into the ‘literacy’ or ‘numeracy’ boxes we normally prefer to tick.
Their precious roots
Us responsible adults – we provide the environment – we set the tone. And in a year, we can see barely any growth at all… In a year there might be one or two feet of bendy, springy growth.
All the times we’ve chosen to speak kindly, to encourage, to guide, and to gently lead – there’s often very little to show for our efforts at first, because the impact, which is major, is allowing those little twisty roots to push deep.
One year of nourishing input
After this year, what do we have? We have a slightly longer stick, with a few knobbly side shoots, that given a push will not fall over. Not much to see, but the difference in security and resilience is huge. Valuing their home environment helps children to value it too. Trusting the people around them helps our children to be putting down roots. By valuing their contributions we are setting them up for healthier relationships right through their lives. This is one aspect of socialising that could be valued more than it is currently given credit for – our children’s social life at home.
When it comes to our children’s morals, agency, attention and confidence, we can’t ‘learn’ our children in one emphatic instalment. This kind of growth is years of example and connection.
Mums and Dads
But since we’ve moved here, in our new home, we parents have also needed to be putting down roots. We have our place too, us mums and dads. We have interests and our choices that don’t always fit the boxes. We have our own preferences and our personal discoveries, and we seek our autonomy too. The kind of allowances we provide for our children, we might allow also allow ourselves. As we do for them, our children can be encouraged to value our hopes and dreams, and us as people too.
We have roots to put down too, especially if we are defend our children in this race. So look after yourself too, and don’t lose yourself, so you can look after your little ones.
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