Sometimes you have to lose to win
Avoid conflict – however hard we try to stay out of trouble, sometimes trouble seems to find us. Kingdoms causes reflect that as we stand as one with Christ’s light, our movement often meets opposition.
We rub shoulders with the rest of the world, and increasingly I find my values don’t align with those I stand side by side with.
It all came to a head
Today, after a 5 month build up, I found myself in a court discussion before the sheriff, in conflict with another that didn’t share the integrity I hoped to expect. After a lot of tittle tattle, the case was resolved, largely at our expense – to avoid taking the case further. Once again, we had to lose to win. It felt like losing. It felt like the world was against us. But as we lean on God who guides us we are comforted by His Kingdom’s cause. He knows, and we have to trust.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but in our own interests it was better to leave the battlefield before our own pride led us to lose to win.
Home education – staying steadfast
There are times when we have to fight to the bitter end. VE Day reminds us of that. And in our own homes we fight every day for our own children as we stand by our decisions to home educate. The conflict involved in going against the grain, removing ourselves from the system was certainly a battle worth persevering in. With so many voices chiming in, and rubbing up against our own doubts and insecurities. In this battlefield, I am my own greatest adversary. Here, we are up against our convictions and calling.
The aim is to align with our own convictions and the calling we sense from God. We have to lose to win. Lose the world, and gain courage in Christ. A blind leap of faith. Hope in God’s plan for us.
Stepping up – standing strong for our values
Since choosing to home educate, I have never been disappointed. I have sometimes had to face down myself, my own adversary, she who would willingly put hope in the conveyor belt of the world’s jargon and apparent safety nets. Did I lose? I gained my own children. Their sense of belonging. Their trust. Their vibrancy.
There have been times when I have felt in the desert. https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/in-the-desert/
And times when I have felt insecure about forging our own paths. https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/forge-our-own-path/
But these are the battles worth persevering in. Justice for my own children, mercy for their childhood.
Stepping down
So many times we must step down. There are so many conflicts where we must hold out our hands, allowing ourselves to be humbled. So often we must lose to win. But there are also times to stand strong with the values we align with, and not cave to the sway of the world.
https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/children-be-children/
The wobbly wall – when the wrong turns out right
I was pretty disappointed with the outcome today. We were trusting in God’s goodness. Meanwhile, I am reminded of our move and our school choices a few years back. We felt that we compromised significantly as we sold our house, and again we compromised in the purchase of our house. But we felt sure that it was the right move.
As we looked at schools in the area I unknowingly chose a school that had a major bullying problem. Wrong decision – we chose poorly. We quickly withdrew our children after 2 weeks. After several months we sent our children to another school until the time finally came when we were all aligned as a family to make our decision to pursue home education. Our decisions that seemed wrong at the time, it seemed like losing, actually positioned us for where we are now. We must trust the process. As we turn and wind we are strengthened. It’s stronger than the straight wall.
ADHD and impulsive behaviour – more ways to lose to win
Finally, where this all started from. My children – my greatest teachers. This phrase, “you have to lose to win” all came about as I began to learn about conflict with my children. With ADHD, the impulsive behaviour can be difficult to manage at times. Let’s not beat around the bush. All of these regulation management suggestions for neurodiverse children in the middle of a melt down does not cut the mustard. Just breathe through an autistic melt down? As parents it can be frustrating when the impulsive, oppositional and defiant behaviour reaches a peak. But these are the times that we win if we lose. As adults we can play all the cards. We have so many more trump cards than children. We have so many incentives, and we have the capacity for control and authority. But when we win like that, we lose.
When we win, we are demonstrating a sort of thuggish demanding that we wouldn’t hope for from our own children. We command respect, whilst losing it. When we win, we demonstrate emotions that threaten. But when we lose, we show that emotions are not a threat. Emotions can be indicators – markers for a deeper insight, and they tell us about ourselves or a situation we find ourselves in. When we lose, we demonstrate that we are safe to be with, and the children have somewhere safe to emerge when they are ready.
Steadfast for the children
All the ways that I convince myself that I was right to step down and lose. More and more I find about people who share my values, and those who don’t. I am gradually learning – red flags – and especially on behalf of my children this is very important. Surely I can avoid conflict in the future now? But I’m sure it’s not as simple as all that. Through all this, I can be sure that as entitled as I find myself, the ultimate goal is to remain steadfast for our children. “Lose to win” certainly works within my neurodiverse family.