What to do on a bad homeschooling days
Yesterday we had one of those days. Our children had dissolved into a puddle after some pirate, swashbuckling, sword flinging, mace flying, TV inspired argument had reached its limit. More about that in a minute.
We’ve had plenty of ‘bad’ homeschooling days, even more so when we had left the state school regime last year and were gradually unschooling and learning how to form our homeschool day within our lives.
I write this with a slight sense of imposter syndrome – I certainly don’t have all the answers on these things. But over time I am beginning to accumulate strategies that help when our day takes a desperate nose dive. Luckily, after everyone has finished yelling (‘mayday mayday!’) if I can notice where we are, there is usually a crossroads available, where I can make some choices on behalf of our children.
Should be-s of the day
One direction would be – I could choose to carry on with the usual ‘should be’s of the world – I really should be able to brush my teeth without the children tearing each other apart. Or I really should be able to expect my children to focus on their chosen educational task without objects and all manner of noises flying about the room.
I find that all the should be-s are usually just wishful thinking, and not really relevant to our lively brood. Anyhow, wallowing in this kind of entitlement doesn’t really lift us out of the bog.
The other direction when a bad homeschooling day strikes, is a more mountainous trail – gritty truths facing relationship strains, facilitating self regulation (for everyone involved), identifying hunger, tiredness, anxiety or frustration.
My role in the downfall
I do have to acknowledge my own role in our days of hitting rock bottom. I can usually look at myself and spot tiredness from a later night, too many expectations, a long, looming to-do list. Additionally, I find I frequently backtrack from the creative, explorative learning that I know is so important for the children, which can be messy and not typically justified as ‘school work’.
https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/the-montessori-method-and-individual-learning/
https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/growth-will-happen/
Often I find we have reverted back to the race of information cramming and worksheets, which never bodes well for our children.
When learning is dry
On bad homeschooling days, when my children aren’t engaging in the work I have in mind for them I often find that I have slipped back into the type of learning that isn’t engaging their imagination. Analytical work, that is easy to prove, easy to mark, and quickly ticks the traditional patented education boxes is a major comfort blanket for me as an education provider for my children. But I know that it does the children a disservice to lean too heavily on this kind of academia that they can’t engage in with their whole being.
When the home is untidy
Sometimes, for me, a bad homeschool day can feel frustrating when the children are constantly distracted from my agenda for them. But when the home is untidy, of course things will be picked up and fidgeted with. Listening to a read aloud, having dinner, putting shoes on – if the home is untidy, and there are toys and fidgets under their nose, my children will get distracted, fight and wrestle over gadgets and trinkets.
Homeschool encouragement
Of course this blog is mainly about encouraging fellow homeschoolers, or to-be homeschoolers, in the decisions we make every day. So I must make a nod in the direction of encouragement. Maybe you’re like me, and have you plenty of people around you that will take the smallest opportunity to question our whole decision to homeschool (though I don’t invite that sort of chat in anymore). It must be said that ‘bad’ homeschooling days will happen, as will a bad school day, or a bad work day, bad hair day, a rubbish weekend, sometimes a rubbish holiday!
Prioritising wellbeing
Our children’s well being is a priority, and their invaluable humanity – this is not something that a school can always do. I’ve written endlessly about the importance of schools, the care of many teachers, and how some children can thrive there. https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/state-schools-are-needed/ But for the homeschoolers, I am sure we can all relate – homeschool can be an exceptional option where we can celebrate wellness our children can have, and their individuality. Ironically, this is actually prioritising the child. So often as adults we kneel before our children and the needs we perceive for them, but we can’t always hear their needs as people, as individuals.
Schools cannot always put moral wellbeing before the educative role that they are in for 6 hours a day.
What happened yesterday
Well, yesterday we had one of those days. No-one could imagine what on earth we would do with our day after it had started the way it had. But of course, rather than feel cornered, our children had the room to reorientate. Grace time, I call it. Or in some cases, breakfast!
Straight away I lowered my expectations for the day. And yet, in doing so, our day was very much enriched. The changes that we implemented, made for a day with so much discovery and vitality. Going off piste is usually more creative.
The crossroads
For a year I have had in my wardrobe a solar mechanics set that I’ve been saving for an emergency day like this. Yesterday was that day! After time to settle down I mentioned that I had this set ready to bring out, and that after the dog walk, that they could work together to build something with the kit.
Of course there were disagreements about who could open what, and who would do which part, but soon they were walking through the local woodland organising a solar car race. Several branch thwacks later, and after running along the pine floor, we returned home rejuvenated and ready for our new project.
My oldest had a chapter on electromagnetism only a few pages on in his physics, and a follow up project on batteries to go alongside, and another continued on his project of ‘the brain’, which wasn’t exactly related, but the enthusiasm was certainly very welcome!
A list of emergency projects
The truth is I do keep in mind a supply of activities, projects and strategies that I know help on a bad homeschooling day. What might work for us won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but here are some of our emergency go-to ideas that keep us moving when we’re finding ourselves a bit stuck.
But first…
If the bad homeschooling day is happening around learning content… I already mentioned getting comfortable with practical learning – it can’t be overstated. Children who are not so agreeable as to go along with the kind of learning that doesn’t make them really think and engage often have very inquisitive minds, looking for a learning adventure! Allowing them to explore and discover is scary, because it can’t be quantified in the same way, and it’s harder to claim that they are ‘exam ready’, but they are developing an appreciation of.. well, usually something around them, which in time adds to their aptitude for learning.
And now for the list
Reading for one of my children is a huge help to his self regulation. For another, I can read to them. It’s magic!
Outside time – ideally, right outside – somewhere where they can see a different peripheral view. It seems to help with perspective.
My boys don’t like a hill to climb (yet), and they don’t really like a concrete path that goes straight. They like a winding path with branches to swing on, a rope swing over a river is even better. Maybe a pond, perhaps a river, a change of scene around each corner.
We often drive to get there, and we listen to music or some read, and the same for coming home. Often we’ll have a hot chocolate or lunch when we’re home, and appetite is always so much more pleasing when we’ve been out for a run.
Outside time in the garden – I have a budding gardener – especially in the warmer months he can potter outside, see what’s what and feed the chickens. When the children become lost in their thoughts and their ideas, in a space they can call their own – home – they are relaxed out of all the addictive things that can be so binding.
Biking and swinging – we built monkey bars, and the children have fashioned a swing out of a rope and a tyre. I often say to them to go outside and hang upside down – their choice, not mine. Today one of my boys went out to ride his bike, and he spent ages washing his bike. I often find the longer they can spend of a given task, the more relaxed they are. Children’s focus doesn’t just point to academic achievement, but I believe it also points to their sense of wellbeing.
Baking – we love baking – usually ginger biscuits or brownies. Am I rewarding untoward behaviour by allowing them to bake treats? I don’t think so. I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt. I don’t believe they want to feel overwhelmed and distressed. If this is a task that they can focus on for their own self regulation and autonomy, I’m for it!
Audio books, drawing, mechanic sets, marble runs, games, puzzles, play dough, watering plants, cuddling the dogs or hamster and crafting out of the recycling bag. These are all ‘down time’ activities. Sometimes our children feel overwhelmed. I believe at their young age we strengthen them by nurturing, not by leaving them hanging, and insisting on choosing the challenging option.
Children have plenty of challenges to be going on with
Sometimes we have to challenge them to help them draw themselves up, but not just for the sake of it. We challenge them unbeknownst every day with things they’d rather not do. These are such as emptying the dishwasher, cleaning out their rabbit, waiting til mealtimes for their treats or apologising to their brother when it was ‘all his fault!’ I like to picture building up their character through quiet confidence in them, rather than repeating should be-s at them.
Is it pandering?
All these lovely things to do – is it just letting them get out of a bad homeschooling day? Not at all, in my opinion. If we compare to a typical state school day (which of course we wouldn’t) there are large pockets of grey time throughout the school day. In Scotland high schoolers have 7 subjects a day, with break and lunch. This is 6 periods of grey time, along with long episodes of in class, and break time screen time ‘learning’, distraction and entertainment. Since we don’t want our children to be consumers in their education I think we can rule out any comparisons to formal schooling.
These aren’t activities aren’t a cop out
Nowadays, our children choose their homeschooling activity. I don’t usually advocate for endless choice for children – it often doesn’t end well. But where learning is concerned – this truly is an area where children can have options and make choices.
The whole body experience of measuring out and experiencing grams and kilograms in cooking, the satisfaction of tasting home-baked goods, the competence felt in developing strength and biking skills, the trial and error in crafting and marble runs and mechanic sets for the younger ones, and the opening of the mind to the goodness in nature on walks with the dogs – all these build a curious and inquisitive, problem solving mind.
There are so many obvious benefits of learning to read and write. But the latent potential through these ‘educational’ experiences are those that build up our children as individuals, and support their working and family relationships. These skills and discoveries that build their appreciation of their surroundings help them as they find themselves not only as a citizen in their place, but also as a treasured citizen in God’s kingdom.
Now and not yet – Christ’s freedom
I know it is a privilege that I can support my children through these bad homeschooling days, and the good ones too. I can lead them forward in Christ’s promise. How I see it is that we work hard, but don’t strive. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. His yolk is light. In His way we are no longer living in the curse.
Obviously we do work very hard, but in that paradox of Christ’s freedom for us – now, and not yet – we also live in His peace and providence.
Children want to do well
But even so, as I mentioned before, our children wouldn’t choose to feel distressed if they sense connection and feel invested in. Children are often accused of attention seeking, but I find that they behave like this if there is something troubling them, or indeed if they are lacking connection and attention from their loved ones. In a good mindset children usually want to do well.
Children who have developed a deep appreciation for what is around them are often curious to learn more about it. Children have busy hands. They want to explore. I found this in myself – the more well I am, the more I can concentrate.
But if they are not well, or if they are having a bad homeschooling day we must support them.
I often find that bad homeschooling days can step me down off my high horse, and our more relaxed expectations can turn the day into one of the better ones. What activities do you find supports your children when they need help regulating?
https://homeschoolways.com/a-bad-homeschooling-day-and-what-to-do-about-it/