A models that serve socialising
I am thinking about which are the educative models that serve socialising? The two main models in mind are mainstream school, and homeschool, though I know there are Montessori schools and Rudolf Steiner schools amongst others.
I’m not hoping to make sweeping statements about what is best for all children. My writing is from my own the perspective, where we have made homeschooling our choice, and I hope to encourage others to have confidence in their own decisions. I know plenty of people who have beautiful, well rounded children who attend mainstream school.
But I write because we tried that, and after a decade of struggling and wriggling in the system, we eventually came to see it just was not the best thing for our kids as individuals.
Comfortable with being different
Which are the models that serve socialising?
There is a lot that I wrestle through, still, as I know their upbringing is now of a different nature than most other children their age. They are not doing the same things as those at school. They are not meeting the same people, nor participating in the same hierarchy as others. They are no longer in the same race – we educate them differently, with a different curriculum, and aspire to different goals. We do very little online, which is also different to many homeschool families.
So we could always look at our story as, ‘they’re missing out on…’ (almost everything that children in mainstream education contend with every day.) It would be very easy to claim that our children don’t have equal socialising opportunities as those who attend school. And it is in fact true that the opportunities are not equal, they are very different.
Socialising outside
But then, I could fill pages with what they do experience every day. In fact, every annum, when the council kindly request my homeschool process report, pages are filled. With my Carla Hannaford inspired approach to homeschool (she wrote Smart Moves, a fascinating book marrying the full body experience with learning and brain healing and development) where I prioritise huge swathes of time set aside for my children to play outside. My children socialise, negotiate, compromise, problem solve and build their relationships over genuine life experiences. The children combine complex movements (running and playing), which are vital for good neurological development, and playing alongside others, fulfilling regular top ups of dopamine for good mental health, as well as fluid learning opportunities.
School is vital…
As I said, it is not my intention to bring down mainstream school (though it seems most academics in the very broad field of learning and education would agree that the mainstream model and curriculum is backwards, out of date and old fashioned to a degenerative extent). Many children make the most of their vibrant childhoods through this system, and many teachers provide excellent guidance during this time.
…But does the model serve?
In schools children often receive a stagnant learning environment – desks, seats and screens would not have been a credible upbringing for children in the history of most of human kind. Opportunities for concept building and project management in teams cannot be provided for in an indoor, desk orientated situation. Support to develop habits for good mental health, and to navigate relationships is not prioritised in the goals and achievements model.
And finally, but most importantly, children live in a fractured social demographic, with their roots apparently in a home that they spend less time in, and with carers that they spend less time with, during waking hours than at school. Those that struggle to reconcile with this fragmentation, or with the school hustling dynamic can then be very impressionable amongst their peers. And at school children are increasingly encouraged to reach their academic goals online, academic goals being the main priority in the child care, educative model that largely raises our youth.
https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/religious-and-moral-studies-in-education/
Which are the educative models that serve socialising?
An opportunity terribly missed
Online or offline in school, children are alongside peers who may have very healthy, supportive parental backgrounds in some cases, or the opposite. Additionally, with a limitless online world, our children’s ‘experiences’ can likewise be that – limitless.
The difficulties these children experience are not given time or space for discussion or support by our teachers – professional care givers. But I would argue that schools have the potential to offer support and refuge for children in this rising demographic, and is one of the main reasons that schools continue to be so vital in our society. While these situations are not addressed in a supportive light for these children, nor are the children advocated for properly, and children are required to sweep their life experiences under the coat hooks at school, behaviours from home experiences certainly arise, whether around or directed at the other children in the classes. This is then passed on through siblings and families, and acted out, usually unsupervised in the playgrounds. Which are the educative models that serve socialising?
Back to homeschool
All this said, it is hard to understand why there is so much stigma around our apparently ‘unsocialised’ children. Children benefit enormously from having (supervised and supported) autonomy with creative ideas and outdoor exploration, and building relationships. They can be motivated to come up with ideas, and supported to take on board ideas of others.
Homeschool – emotional support
Emotional support is a key factor for us in our homeschooling journey. Children can really know each other, and they are encouraged to express themselves. They can expect to treat others with respect, and they can expect to be treated with respect. This is so important for them as they prepare for their relationships later in life – they can begin to recognise when boundaries are being crossed, and how to navigate that. David Robson explains in The Intelligence Trap that people who are able to recognise and identify their emotions have been found to be able to regulate them better before they blow up or get out of hand. These people tend to make better intuitive judgments, essential for most situations in the work place. Emotional support and awareness is not for the weak minded – it is another layer in our armoury.
Which are the educative models that serve socialising?
Validated with our differences
A point also has to be made – we found it didn’t work to simply require our children just to fit in at school. It didn’t help with self esteem and self advocacy. For us with homeschooling, we can be validated in our differences. This was not something we necessarily experienced in school.
Which are the educative models that serve socialising?
Therapeutic dose
I have said this before, and I think it is such an important point for our us. Not everyone has the same therapeutic dose for socialising. It can be very overwhelming. The more, the better, isn’t always the case. My experience with our homeschooling decision, after some adjusting, was that our children became more vibrant with our weekly pattern, breaking out of the stress filled reservedness that I observed before.
Good socialising comes from parents
I watched a film these holidays (a few times!) called Love Comes Softly. Set in the 1700s it follows a family who lived on an American homestead in the west. The plot includes a girl, maybe aged 9, who grew up on this plot with her dad. She worked alongside her dad, and they lived, loved and ate together. She grew up knowing good and true values from her dad, understanding social etiquette, and was relatively well regulated in the assurance of an unconditional father’s love. Every now and then they would go to a gathering, like the autumn dance before everyone would keep in for the winter. This lifestyle was normal. Nobody asked if she was being properly socialised. Her dad was never accused of neglecting his child with a lack of stimulating experiences, or clubs, or social opportunities.
Children growing up in a home environment where parents are relaxed and have time to invest in their children with a presence of mind is, I think, ultimately one of the main pillars for a ‘well socialised’ child.
Which are the educative models that serve socialising?
The race
There is a huge pressure these days to run the race and to be out of the house at as many clubs as possible. Children must be in school all day, socialising(?) So that mothers and fathers can further their careers, and families can have as much childcare as possible. In such an individualistic culture as we are now, are we now defined as the collective machine with the various parts conversely in competition with one another, rather than as our community?
An ideology of our time
I think it’s helpful to remember, this prioritisation of academia over family values, it is a passing ideology of our time. Children have different needs, but in school it’s much harder for particular children to step back, self regulate and take some time, climbing trees, biking, picking berries, or quietly caring of animals or plants.
But this is resilience. Supporting children to recognise their own needs, and allow for the fact that this hyper socialite schooling model is just not for everyone.
Eventually, the pendulum has to turn. If we keep increasing child care hours, as is happening now, where will we end up? Surely some realisation has to set in for the pendulum to turn, and to recognise the invaluable place of unpaid work.
https://thereisnoshouldbe.com/slow-living-and-valuable-work-of-the-home/
Which are the educative models that serve socialising?
Shalom
Because if we really consider in ourselves, and look around us at the society, or even the world around us as we know it, we may find that the evidence does not suggest that institutionalised child raising is resulting in well balanced, well socialised children, and a relaxed family environment. So many conditions of neurodiversity are enormously exacerbated by growing up around stress and anxiety. Of course considering the weight of the school day, this can also be compounded by adverse school experiences.
If we look at the recent statistics of mental health, mental health epidemics, ideologies, family dynamics, and the moral compass of our world, I think it’s fair to say we haven’t forged for ourselves a lifestyle that truly serves our best interests. We may be submitting to the empire, spiritually and physically, rather than beholding shalom as our utmost purpose – shalom – peace, health, prosperity, and reverence to the Highest Power.
“Socialization – the adoption of the behaviour patterns of the surrounding culture” – https://www.theycallmeblessed.org/socializing-one-many-reasons-homeschool/
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